I Wish I Could Tell You

I try my best to be honest with all the people around me, both online and offline, regardless of what relationship I have with the person. I don’t like pretending to be nice to someone when I dislike them, nor do I like to withhold the truth from my friends¹. Even so, there are some things I want to tell people in my life but I know I never could.

There are several reasons why, such as not wanting to deal with potential drama that comes with the truth² or knowing that the right time to bring up something someone doesn’t want to hear will never come, but mostly, it has to do with fear. Fear of what changes will result from the truth, fear of putting myself out there without holding back, and fear of voicing thoughts I’ve had reason to keep to myself for a long, long time. That’s not to say I wouldn’t say what I thought if I was asked point-blank, but I’m not going to go out of my way to address some of them due to fear. This fear is something I would like to overcome, but till then, here are some things I would like to say to some people I know, even though I know I never could.

• The Person Who Won’t Grow Up
  You’re a bitch through and through. You were nice at first, but man, your true colors came out fast. If you being a bitch was the only thing wrong with you, then I wouldn’t care; who am I to call out others for being bitchy when I know I can be the bitchiest of them all at times? No, what irritates me the most about you is the fact that you’re a foolish, needy hypocrite. You are overly sensitive, yet incredibly inconsiderate. You’re not interested in other people’s stories, but you make sure that everyone’s heard the ones you have to tell several hundred times. You are constantly needy and clingy, but you always have to be the dominant one no matter what the situation is. It got really old, really fast a long time ago, and I doubt you’ll ever grow up.
• The Person Who Changed My Life
  You are one of the strongest people I know, and I don’t think you’re even old enough to understand that. I am so thankful every day that you reached the five year recovery mark for cancer, and now you can live out your childhood just like any normal kid. Your determination and zest for life is contagious; I wish I was half as enthusiastic about everything as you were. You are just fantastic, and you redefine the term “survivor.” Maybe I’ll tell you this when you are older when you can understand, but for now, I am content watching you live every day to the fullest.
• The Person Who Always Gets Cast Aside
  I wish you could see what they were doing to you. How they always lead you on, promising that this time, they’ve actually made plans and won’t let you down. You wait for them, and you wait, and you wait… and it never happens. Time and time again you’ve put aside your own plans for them, only for them to never appear and confess that they “forgot” about it the next day. It’s not forgivable if it happens more than once, and it’s happened more times than I can count. You’re a fantastic person, and you deserve better. You and I both know this so me bringing this subject up again will do nothing, but I wish that you would act on what you know, rather than just know.
• The Person Who Takes Advantage
  Yeah, I was willing to help you out the first couple times. But by the time it got to the point where you were letting me know you were taking my stuff as you were taking it, without even asking me, it was getting ridiculous. Especially because the one and only time I’ve ever asked you for a favor, you made up some crappy excuse that was an obvious lie. I’m over this. I tried explaining it to you, and you had the gall to react by borrowing more of my stuff. I mean, really.
• The Person Who Carries A Piece of My Heart
  You will always carry a piece of my heart with you wherever you go. You were the one who taught me how to love and be loved, and I wish every day our circumstances would work for us rather than work against us. We have been through so much together, and the bond between us is unbreakable. Even if we lose touch and never speak again as we follow our different paths in life, that bond will always be there. I would walk to the ends of the earth for you, and I will love you until my dying day. You are so incredibly special to me.

1. If one of my friends asks me for an honest opinion about whether or not someone likes them, for instance, I’m not going to lie about it to make them feel better. That doesn’t mean I’m going to make them feel like an awful person, but I don’t see the point in lying. [↩]
2. The quote “You can’t handle the truth!” from A Few Good Men is very, very true for some. [↩]

Tags: friday five, rants