Underlying Sexual Tension
March 29th, 2009 | Categories: Friends, Question of the Week, Relationships | 6 CommentsA guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other… maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.
- Dave Matthews
The majority of my good friends are male, and while I have been only friends with almost all of them (as in, there has been no romantic history between us), some of my good male friends and I have experimented with being in a relationship, with varying results. While there were different reasons for each relationship not working out, I have remained on good terms with all of my exes, even if the initial transition from boyfriend/girlfriend to friends was a little rocky. Still, though, I feel that regardless of whether or not I have dated my good male friends, there’s a certain element of attraction between us. It doesn’t matter how small or overwhelming this sense of attraction is, but the fact remains that it is there.
After years of maintaining that boys and girls can be friends without any sexual tension becoming involved, my experiences in high school and college have slowly changed my mind. I think that if a guy and a girl are really good friends, there is some degree of underlying sexual tension between the two. That doesn’t mean that either have to act upon this tension, or that it will even make a difference in the friendship, but it is still there, no matter how much tension exists. In some cases, it might require a delicate balancing act between the two parties to take care that neither slip into the dangerous “more than friends” territory, especially if the other only views the person as a friend, or weeks and months and years might pass before one realizes that all along, they’ve loved the other as more than a friend for all this time.
Question of the Week: Do you think two people of the opposite sex can be friends without any attraction whatsoever?
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Hi, I'm Manda. I'm a college student studying communications and languages. I like to read, shop, bake, and travel. I have a tendency to listen to my favorite songs on repeat for hours on end. Sometimes I catch myself thinking in a language other than English. 
I believe that a girl and a boy can be friends without any sexual tension lying underneath. Personally, I have way more guy friends than girl friends – probably, because of my close relationship with my brother and my tomboyish attitude. However, I’ve never crossed that dangerous line with either of them and I didn’t feel an urge to do so, anyway.
Well if it is a gay male and a lesbian female I definitely think there would be no underlying sexual tension. lol. In some cases I think what you’ve described is the case, but in other cases I find that it is a situation where one person likes the other more while the other party is just happy being friends.
Everything comes down to attraction though so if two people connect, friendship or more, there is always something significant there. From my basic knowledge of psychology I’d say it was sexual, subconscious or conscious.
I have guy friends with no UST between us whatsoever. There’s attraction as friends, sure, but nothing more than that. :|
Well… if they don’t think about them being more than friends, they’re won’t be any tension, but if someone sticks it in one of their heads, (like “Oh, your boyfriend is so cute!” “No, he’s just a friend.” “Riiight… ;)”) then there will be tension. As long as they don’t think about it, they can be friends without tension.
I’m on the fence with this one. On the one hand, I’d like to think that two people of the opposite sex and coexist without any underlying sexual tension, but realistically, I don’t think that’s quite possible. At least, every friendship I’ve had with a guy has been the perfect example of why it just doesn’t work with me. Of course, I haven’t really had any guy friends since high school now, so with maturity, I’d like to think that a strict friendship would be able to sustain itself, but it’s hard to say really. Friendship is linked to loneliness, and loneliness to craving human connection, and sometimes we just can’t fight human nature.
So now that I’ve talked in circles, I will repeat myself one more time: no freakin’ idea. haha
[...] in the first place. The friendships that were damaged, battered and ended because of a boy; the sexual tensions between myself and various guy friends; the friendships that never took off because there was too much romantic history to be able to put [...]