Lines You Don’t Cross
Posted on February 7, 2010 | Categories: Friends | Tags: opinions
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I’m definitely not the right person to write a manual about friendships as I’ve had my fair share of friendship dramas. There are, however, several unwritten rules that are simply common knowledge. No one that crosses these lines should expect friendships to remain the same.
- You don’t choose a boy/girl over a best friend.
- You don’t let a hookup destroy a friendship.
- You don’t trash talk people you consider to be your best friends.
- You don’t straight up lie to your friends’ faces.
- You don’t stab people in the back and expect everything to remain the same.
- You don’t play the victim when you are the instigator of every incident that has lost you a friend.
I’m not articulating this very well, but I guess a more succinct summation of the point of this entry would be this: I can’t believe the audacity some people have. I just can’t. Every time I think a new low has been reached and that it can’t possibly get any worse, I’m proven wrong. The lesson that I’m taking away from all of this? People can always reach a new low, no matter what you think.
Diana
Now they’re not unwritten! :D
I try to forgive and forget because, you know, people make mistakes, but I must say, I agree that every one of those is crossing the line. I especially hate people playing the victim.
Manda
I try to forgive and forget too, but when a “friend” breaks these rules again and again it gets to the point where I realize that it’s not healthy to allow the “friendship” to continue. :/
Clem
“You don’t trash talk people you consider to be your best friends.”
MORE PEOPLE NEED TO FIGURE THIS OUT.
You don’t know how many times I’ve been hanging out with a friend when they’ll start shit talking a mutual friend. It makes me really uncomfortable because a) I am not that kind of person, and b) if they do it to her, they probably do it to me.
I hold grudges… :P I think forgiving and forgetting is all well and good, but if you let it happen too many times, you turn into a doormat. Once is fine, maybe twice – anything more than that and you’re letting yourself be walked on.
Jen
You’d think they’d be common sense, but apparently not. :( However, about the first one: “You don’t choose a boy/girl over a best friend.” Does it still apply when you choose your best friend who is also the boy, over another close friend? I’ve thought that by virtue of being the best friend and the boy, it makes it okay.
Sometimes I think setting lower expectations for people keeps one from being too disappointed.
Manda
Do you mean that the best friend is the boy and you chose him over a different close friend? It depends on how long you’ve been friends with both and if choosing one or the other will have a detrimental effect on your friendship with the other. In my experience with this “rule” I had a close (girl) friend choose a hookup over me and she essentially threw our year-long friendship away for a guy she hooked up with for about two weeks.
Jen
Yes, I mean that. I had been friends with the best friend (male) for about 2-3 years, and the close friend (male) for 4 years, so not that great a difference. At the time, I saw no detrimental effect on my friendship with the close friend by getting together with the best friend. But, in hindsight, I realized the close friend also liked me, and was just making my life difficult by making me choose between him and my best friend. I still wish it didn’t have to be that way.
Manda
I think it’s rotten when a friend makes you choose between two people. If that person really is a friend, then s/he wouldn’t make you choose. S/he’d respect your decision, even if s/he isn’t happy with the outcome. No one should want to be that friend – the one that makes others decide based upon what s/he wants, you know?
Trish
Sometimes I wonder if people even know what it means to be friends. I think people just enjoy the drama because they don’t really have much else to do…like my mom… D:
Thankfully, I’ve got a small handful of friends whom I can trust and depend on. It’s so rare to find people who don’t gossip about you behind your back.
Alice
*hugs* completely agree and sympathise!
Melody
I completely agree with you, Manda. Unfortunately, a lot of people do not seem to believe in these lines. People are all about themselves and what they want, and they do not pay attention to how their actions/behaviours affect people around them. If they give the slightest thought about things, a lot of awkwardness can be avoided. :/
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