Let’s Talk About Boys and Crushes (Or Not)
May 30th, 2010 | Categories: Relationships | 5 CommentsI just deleted/trashed an entry I wrote that was about a boy. It was about a boy that I like (who might like me back) and a supremely awkward conversation I had with my mom about it. (Awkward conversations with my mom about this kind of stuff, as well as other topics, is what I do best, after all.)
The reason why I trashed it wasn’t because it was poorly written or dull for others to read. (On the contrary, it was quite amusing, even if I do say so myself.) It was mainly because it didn’t feel right to publish something that involved someone else and partially because I was, well, scared to publish it. Having a crush on someone is something quite personal that I’ve always found it hard to talk about it. It’s not just the whole online privacy thing and how I always respect the privacy of those in my life when it comes to writing this blog, but the fact that I seem to have some sort of neurotic complex when it comes to talking about boys that I really like.
I think some of this links back to the fact that it’s always been really, really hard for me to admit that I like someone for as long as I can remember. It’s a self-preservation thing. Way back in elementary and middle school, I’d see some of my friends confide in other girls about who they liked, only for the girls to spread rumors about it behind each other’s backs. These rumors would spread like wildfire, and soon the girl who had a crush on a particular boy would be taunted and teased about liking so-and-so and everyone would know whether or not the boy liked her back or not.
God, it was awful. Just remembering it gives me a sinking feeling in my stomach and makes me want to shudder at the thought.
I’ve always remembered those days, and even now, when it comes to confiding in my best friends who I know wouldn’t tell anyone and I trust with my life, I still find it difficult to talk about guys that I like. It’s easy for me to talk about guys and relationships in general, or to give advice about guys and relationships to my friends, but I never talk about my own personal feelings towards any guys in particular unless I can help it. I can talk about the fact that I like someone to my best friends; I just find it very hard to bring myself to say who he is.
That’s why it was more than a little strange that I was even drafting an entry about my crush on a boy to post on this blog, which is the least private of all places for me to confess about something.
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Hi, I'm Manda. I'm a college student studying communications and languages. I like to read, shop, bake, and travel. I have a tendency to listen to my favorite songs on repeat for hours on end. Sometimes I catch myself thinking in a language other than English. 
Hey Manda! Remember me? You used to host my subdomain :)
I stalk your blog sometimes, and this is something I actually have something proper to input on. Yay!
I experienced exactly the same in primary/secondary school with the rumors and all, but I figured out that it only applies if your group of people know who the crush in question is. I had a crush on a guy from the Internet, and I had no trouble telling people about him. (Contrary to my previous crushes.)
It has something to do with the other person being known to your social group. I’m glad nobody knew who my (now) boyfriend was, there was no way my feelings could be defined by who he was.
It’s interesting to talk about. I’m really glad I got to define my own relationship though instead of people having preconceived notions of who my SO was and then applying them to the relationship.
Course I remember you! It’s good to see you around in the blogosphere again :D
I also think it has something to do with the fact that (at least in this case) once I start talking about him (to friends/family/in this blog/whatever) it’s so obvious as to who he is. So not only do I feel like he deserves a degree of anonymity (particularly in this blog, because I don’t feel comfortable talking extensively about others in my life without them knowing) but I always get unusually shy whenever someone that could become important to me is discussed by others whenever I’m present!
I find it very easy to talk about the guys that I like to my friends. BUT I find it extremely difficult to talk about them to my family. In fact, I never do. Somehow I have this idea in my mind that my life is my life, and my parents/family should have no say in who I like or who I want to date or… especially if I’m still on the odds on if it’s going to be a longterm thing or just a couple of movie dates :)
I talk to my mom a little bit about guys, but I’m very vague on the finer details. I usually just tell her enough so that she is aware I’m interested in someone so she isn’t completely taken aback if the boy and I become serious.
[...] This is about a boy; it’s always about a boy. [...]