I’ve noticed something while traveling with my grandfather in mainland China: he always favors sons over daughters.

My mom once told me that my grandfather favored her brothers over herself and her sisters. I know that it is very traditionally Chinese for the males of the family to be favored over the females, but I could never quite understand why, even after all these years, my grandfather still favored my uncles over my mother and my aunts. His sons are the ones that have given my grandfather the most headache and grief out of all of his children; his daughters have done better for themselves in comparison. His daughters also look out for him more than his sons do. Whether that is because of a better sense of filial piety or because they are more capable of doing so, I can’t tell, but the fact remains that his daughters have caused less “trouble” (for lack of better term) than his sons.

This mentality of my grandfather’s has also passed down to how he views and treats grandchildren. The first of his grandchildren to go to university is male, the first who will get married is male, the first that went to study abroad is male, etc. Most of this has to do with the fact that most of my male cousins are older than my female ones, but even so, his granddaughters have done well for themselves but the grandsons are still favored.

The summer between high school and college, I went to Hong Kong to visit family. My grandfather congratulated me on getting accepted to university and I thought I had finally done something that was worthy in comparison of my male cousins, as I was the first granddaughter to go to university. Alas, turns out that wasn’t the case. My brother will start university in the fall, and my grandfather gives him extra care and attention that I never got the summer before I started college.

It’s not just about achievements like going to university, though. It’s about when we are at famous sites like Tiananmen Square or the Great Wall, my grandfather will want a photo with my brother, his grandson. Not with me, or my mother, or my aunt; he wants a photo with just my brother. Or when we are at dinner, and my grandfather will offer the last portion of rice or last piece of chicken only to my brother. If no one wants it, then he’ll take it for himself.

It’s not that my grandfather doesn’t love his daughters and granddaughters. He does, but it’s not in the same way he loves his sons and grandsons. It’s disheartening to know that no matter what I do or what I achieve, I’ll still be seen as inferior by my grandfather because I’m female. Not wholly unworthy, but not as worthy of attention and praise as the males in my family. It doesn’t matter if I get a doctorate or travel to Mars or become the first female president of the United States – I simply won’t ever be able to get the same kind of love that my uncles and male cousins receive.

Tags: opinions