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Whenever Asian parents get together, it is customary for them to evaluate their kids and do a comparison. One parent’s kid will be smarter, but the others will be prettier/skinnier/more successful, etc. Usually these evaluations and comparisons occur right in front of the kids, as if the kids couldn’t understand what they are saying – oh, but they do understand; what’s more, they even expect this to occur every time Asian parents get together for a reunion!

When my mom got together with her Asian friends over the weekend, us kids braced ourselves for the inevitably degrading comparisons. A parent can compliment someone else’s kid, but they always have to put down their own child. The etiquette in this situation is surprisingly rigid, and the kids have to sit there and take it all in. It’s not that every parent believes what they say when they diss their own kid, but protocol dictates they must put down their kid after they receive a (probably over generous) compliment.

One aunty complimented me on how pretty I was. I was about to thank her for the compliment before my mother cut in and hurriedly made an argument for how not pretty, or ugly, I was. Another aunty asked me if I had lost weight, to which I truthfully replied I hadn’t. My mom once again cuts in and says I’ve gained a lot of weight, isn’t it obvious?

By the time the rounds were over, my friends and I (who are all either teenagers or in their twenties) had been reduced to a far, ugly, stupid and lazy group of kids. And I hadn’t expected anything less. Culture is culture, after all!

On a day where the nation celebrates fathers and fatherhood, it’s always hard for ones who don’t have a father.

I don’t talk about my family much on this blog, as a general rule. When I do, it’s always about my mom or my brother. But I do have a dad. At least, I did.

He died when I was five.

I think of my dad often and miss him every day. Some days are harder than others, and the early years were definitely harder than the more recent ones. Most days are relatively easy now, as there have been thousands of days since his death. But days like his birthday, the anniversary of his death and Father’s Day are infinitely harder than an ordinary day.

I’d make a wish on an airplane, if I could. I’d wish for him to be happy and to be at peace, wherever he is.

While watching an SNL rerun where Tina Fey did a Sarah Palin sketch and slipped in a comment about running for (and winning) the US presidency in 2012:

Me: If Palin becomes our president in 2012, I’m leaving the country. Hey, I graduate in 2012 so I can go wherever I want if she gets elected.
My mom: Well, once your brother goes to college I can leave the country as well¹.
My brother (who doesn’t graduate from college until 2015): …I can campaign for Hawaii’s independence² so Palin won’t be my president?

I love my family.

1. My family has moved overseas many times, so it wouldn’t be unusual if we moved overseas once more, regardless of US government politics. [↩]
2. His top choices for college are in Hawaii. [↩]