breakthesky.net » Family

Apparently, I’m Fat and Ugly

Manda — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 14:20:03 +0000

Whenever Asian parents get together, it is customary for them to evaluate their kids and do a comparison. One parent’s kid will be smarter, but the others will be prettier/skinnier/more successful, etc. Usually these evaluations and comparisons occur right in front of the kids, as if the kids couldn’t understand what they are saying – oh, but they do understand; what’s more, they even expect this to occur every time Asian parents get together for a reunion!

When my mom got together with her Asian friends over the weekend, us kids braced ourselves for the inevitably degrading comparisons. A parent can compliment someone else’s kid, but they always have to put down their own child. The etiquette in this situation is surprisingly rigid, and the kids have to sit there and take it all in. It’s not that every parent believes what they say when they diss their own kid, but protocol dictates they must put down their kid after they receive a (probably over generous) compliment.

One aunty complimented me on how pretty I was. I was about to thank her for the compliment before my mother cut in and hurriedly made an argument for how not pretty, or ugly, I was. Another aunty asked me if I had lost weight, to which I truthfully replied I hadn’t. My mom once again cuts in and says I’ve gained a lot of weight, isn’t it obvious?

By the time the rounds were over, my friends and I (who are all either teenagers or in their twenties) had been reduced to a far, ugly, stupid and lazy group of kids. And I hadn’t expected anything less. Culture is culture, after all!

Can We Pretend That Airplanes in the Night Sky Are Like Shooting Stars?

Manda — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 20:17:59 +0000

On a day where the nation celebrates fathers and fatherhood, it’s always hard for ones who don’t have a father.

I don’t talk about my family much on this blog, as a general rule. When I do, it’s always about my mom or my brother. But I do have a dad. At least, I did.

He died when I was five.

I think of my dad often and miss him every day. Some days are harder than others, and the early years were definitely harder than the more recent ones. Most days are relatively easy now, as there have been thousands of days since his death. But days like his birthday, the anniversary of his death and Father’s Day are infinitely harder than an ordinary day.

I’d make a wish on an airplane, if I could. I’d wish for him to be happy and to be at peace, wherever he is.

On Sarah Palin Becoming President in 2012

Manda — Mon, 17 May 2010 14:55:35 +0000

While watching an SNL rerun where Tina Fey did a Sarah Palin sketch and slipped in a comment about running for (and winning) the US presidency in 2012:

Me: If Palin becomes our president in 2012, I’m leaving the country. Hey, I graduate in 2012 so I can go wherever I want if she gets elected.
My mom: Well, once your brother goes to college I can leave the country as well¹.
My brother (who doesn’t graduate from college until 2015): …I can campaign for Hawaii’s independence² so Palin won’t be my president?

I love my family.

My family has moved overseas many times, so it wouldn’t be unusual if we moved overseas once more, regardless of US government politics.
His top choices for college are in Hawaii.

The Wise Words of My Mother

Manda — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 22:26:15 +0000

When my boyfriend in high school and I broke up, I was devastated. I really wanted to work on becoming friends with the guy after we split up. Needless to say, in the first couple weeks following the breakup, he and I didn’t really cross paths all that much. I was beside myself – how could we be friends if we never saw each other anymore?

My mother told me that time apart was needed before we could be friends. She was right. Two years later, I now consider him to be one of my best friends from high school.

When one of my (now former) best friends in college betrayed me, I wanted to cut her out of my life and for everyone around me to do so as well. Obviously, that was a little irrational for me to expect of my friends to feel the same way towards her as I did. But I didn’t want to deal with her or to have her still be in my life anymore after what she did.

My mother told me that in time, the girl’s true colors would show and she would end up hurting everyone else in my group of friends, not just me. She was right. The girl crossed every line you can’t cross in a friendship and now my friends feel the same way about her that I do without me having to influence their feelings.

When my most recent ex briefly floated the idea of getting back together, I had no idea what to do. Part of me was willing to consider it as it seemed too rash to rule anything out immediately. But a bigger part of me was far more cautious as our breakup was really not one I’d like to ever repeat.

My mother told me that if he was really serious about setting things right between us, he’d win back my trust over time. She was right. Apparently he wasn’t all that serious about getting back together. Which is good, because I have no desire for him to be in my life anymore in any capacity whatsoever.

I’ve always known that my mother gives great advice, but each time I run to her for her words of wisdom I am always amazed by just how wise she is. I’m so incredibly lucky to have her in my life.

Inviting Yourself

Manda — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 00:48:58 +0000

In my immediate circle of friends, there is one person that has a tendency to invite herself to whatever events/happenings we have planned. In a group of friends as big as mine, there is a natural tendency for factions of the group to plan smaller things (dinner, shopping, etc) for those who they are closest with in the group rather than for all the friends. Everyone knows that the bigger the group is the more difficult it is to plan something that everyone wants to do, so we hang out in our smaller “factions” for the most part. This person, however, just doesn’t quite get that and tends to show up at any given time unannounced, unexpected, and sometimes unwanted.

In terms of family, I have an extended family member who has a habit of inviting himself to outings my immediate family plans, such as going out to the movies or dinner. It doesn’t even have to be a formally planned outing; he’s often come over just to hang out and watch TV or eat a home-cooked meal (my mother is a great cook). I know he’s family, but I still find it a little weird that he’ll just invite himself to come over, particularly if there’s nothing planned. It’s not like my family is an exciting host as more often than not each of us are preoccupied with our own agendas and can’t afford to divert attention to guests!

I’ve always been particularly cautious of inviting myself to events/places because I know I’m not always happy to see others who have invited themselves. It places everyone in an awkward situation: the people who didn’t invite the person, and the person who might not be welcome but still showed up anyway. And even though I’ve had somewhat uncomfortable encounters with people who just show up and assume I will be flattered with their presence, I still have yet to find a strategy to handle that type of situation. I’ve no issue on calling out people on misjudgments, but I know the people I am with do have problems with doing that so a much subtler, more low-key way of handling it is needed.

Question of the Week: How do you handle people that have invited themselves to an event? Do you think that it is appropriate for one to do so, or does it make you feel uncomfortable?

I’m an Awesome Big Sister

Manda — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 18:19:48 +0000

My brother is taking the SATs for the first time today, so I baked these chocolate chip cookies for him as my way of saying good luck. How many other big sisters do you know that perform such acts of kindness for their younger brother?

I know he will do fine; in fact, I’m pretty sure he’ll get a higher score than I did on my SATs (his ACT scores are already higher than mine were!). Still, I wanted to do a little extra something for him as my way of wishing him luck. It was either bake him his favorite cookies or get up at the crack of dawn to wish him luck when he left to take the test. I might be an awesome big sister, but I’m not willing to forgo sleep in my pursuit of sisterly awesomeness!

Why Yes, I Like Songs With Swear Words

Manda — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 16:43:27 +0000

To mark my regained mobility following my recent knee issues¹, I drove my mother around to run errands. I know, I know. Driving doesn’t require mobility in the knees because the driver just sits behind the wheel, but I was able to get out of bed and into the car, which is no small victory. Besides, I like driving every chance I get when I’m home as I don’t have a car at school.

Anyway. I put on one of my CD mixes to listen to when driving as I never listen to the crap that’s on the radio. One of the songs on the CD was The Bird and the Bee’s “Fucking Boyfriend.” It’s not a foul-mouthed song despite the title, but the words “fucking boyfriend” are repeated throughout the chorus. I didn’t bank on my mother noticing what the lyrics to the song were as she usually doesn’t pay enough attention to whatever music plays in the car. Unfortunately, that seems to be no longer the case.

My mom: Is the girl swearing in this song?
Me: Uh… yes. Yes, she is.
My mom: Why do you listen to songs with swear words in them?
Me: Um. Uh. Well. It’s a good song?
My mom: But why does the singer feel the need to swear in the song?
Me: To express herself, I guess.
My mom: Do you feel the need to swear to express yourself?!
Me: …I’d really rather not have this conversation.

I’m pretty sure that my brother plays Blink-182 in the car whenever he drives it. I’m not really familiar with Blink-182′s stuff, but something tells me that their songs have more foul language than songs by The Bird and the Bee…

Are you working up to something? / But you give me almost nothing
Keep me helpless / Up to something on my knees
Would you ever be my / Would you be my fucking boyfriend?
Would you ever be my / Would you be my fucking boyfriend? ♪♫

My knee is far from perfect, but most of the time I can get it to cooperate so I can move around. Minus the times where I wake up in the night because I jerked my knee and the pain was so great that I woke up screaming, that is. Basically, it’s still pretty touch-and-go right now.

It’s Good To Be Home

Manda — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 15:21:02 +0000

After a crazy and awful week of midterm exams and papers, I am finally home for spring break. Even though I am very glad that I moved away for school, there really is nothing else that is like being at home.

This is what I was greeted with when I stepped through my front door:

A huge hug from my mother
A squirming brother who tried to get away from me when I hugged him (typical!)
Two overexcited dogs who kept licking my face and jumping up and down in their glee
The smell of a home-cooked meal (Italian pork roast with rice, yum)
The Food Network playing on our TV¹

That, combined with the facts that I rocked my last two exams of the week (note: it IS possible to kick ass on a Chinese exam if you devote your life to studying it the night before!), got to shower in my own bathroom, and got sleep in my own bed in my own room, made for a very, very happy me. It’s so good to be home!

I don’t have anything specific planned for break, but all the free time I have this week probably means I’ll dabble in some crafting. If anyone is interested in another crafting giveaway of mine, it might be a good idea to stay tuned to this blog for the next week or so… just a tip ;)

I don’t get the Food Network at school, so I always watch it if possible when I’m at home.

Conversations With My Brother

Manda — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 18:30:51 +0000

I have no trouble talking to my mom on the phone to keep in touch when I’m away at school, but my brother is a different story. He’s the type of person that is only good to talk to on the phone if there is a specific reason for calling and sees absolutely no need to make “small talk” when there is an awkward lull in the conversation. Most people have a general sense of when it’s their turn to bring up a new subject in a conversation or prompt the other with a question, but my brother has absolutely no qualms with one-word answers and shrugs. He also has zero interest in my life, all of which make phone conversations with him very difficult.

Our conversations over the phone usually go like this:

Me: Hey, how’s everything?
Brother: Good.
M: Yeah? How’s school?
B: Busy.
M: That sucks. Lots of homework?
B: Yeah.
M: Things good with your friends?
B: Yep.
M: How’s Mom?
B: Good.
M: Tell her I say hi, okay?
B: Okay.
M: How are the dogs?
B: Good.
M: Well… I’m glad to hear everything is good with you. Take care, okay?
B: Okay.

Color me surprised when I called home yesterday and we talked on the phone for two hours! No, that is not a typo – we did talk for two hours. I don’t even think I’ve talked with my mom for that long on the phone! As much as I loved properly talking to my brother, I know that this two hour conversation is a one-off. No doubt that next time he and I talk, it’ll be back to those one-word answers…

Living at Home

Manda — Tue, 12 May 2009 13:00:19 +0000

I’ve officially moved back home for the summer. Now that I’ve finished my first year of college, it’s time for four months of summer. Four months of home cooked food, my own room and bathroom, relaxing with all of my friends, and all the free time in the world. While I do miss all of my friends from school, it’s nice not to have to worry about assignments or exams!

I already miss some of the perks of living in my own, but it is nice to be back home again. I like spending time with my family and dogs, and it’ll be so nice to be able to catch up with them. This past year was my first year away from home, and I know that I have changed, and that my family has changed as well. It’ll be interesting to see how the dynamics of the relationship I have with my family will change as a result of this, and hopefully we’ll be able to meet each other halfway. Otherwise, I’m probably going to find myself wishing I had chosen to stay in DC for the summer rather than return home!

I find that I am more social at school than I am at home, so I don’t anticipate any big dramas or crazy boy situations happening this summer, which will be a nice change. I’m hoping for a quiet, relaxing summer without any major events – it’ll be a very welcome change from this past year as well as past summers! Of course, I find myself saying this every summer, and things never quite work out the way I thought they would… but at least it gives me good stories to tell!