Posted on July 21, 2010 | Categories: Family, Friends | Tags: opinions
Whenever Asian parents get together, it is customary for them to evaluate their kids and do a comparison. One parent’s kid will be smarter, but the others will be prettier/skinnier/more successful, etc. Usually these evaluations and comparisons occur right in front of the kids, as if the kids couldn’t understand what they are saying – oh, but they do understand; what’s more, they even expect this to occur every time Asian parents get together for a reunion!
When my mom got together with her Asian friends over the weekend, us kids braced ourselves for the inevitably degrading comparisons. A parent can compliment someone else’s kid, but they always have to put down their own child. The etiquette in this situation is surprisingly rigid, and the kids have to sit there and take it all in. It’s not that every parent believes what they say when they diss their own kid, but protocol dictates they must put down their kid after they receive a (probably over generous) compliment.
One aunty complimented me on how pretty I was. I was about to thank her for the compliment before my mother cut in and hurriedly made an argument for how not pretty, or ugly, I was. Another aunty asked me if I had lost weight, to which I truthfully replied I hadn’t. My mom once again cuts in and says I’ve gained a lot of weight, isn’t it obvious?
By the time the rounds were over, my friends and I (who are all either teenagers or in their twenties) had been reduced to a far, ugly, stupid and lazy group of kids. And I hadn’t expected anything less. Culture is culture, after all!
I can’t even begin to describe how phenomenal my time in DC was this past week.
I made new friends at the conference and got closer to the ones I already had. I explored new areas of DC. I watched the Hawks win the Stanley Cup with one of my friends (YAY HAWKS!). I stayed in the most luxurious hotel I’ve ever been in (it was paid for, score!). I caught up with old friends. I got the best of every single possible moment I could in the short time I was there and I’m absolutely thrilled that I did. I know that my fun adventures there this past week will tide me over until I return again to the District in August 2011.
The best part of the whole trip? One afternoon, a friend and I had some time to kill so we went up to the rooftop and lounged by the pool to soak up some sun. I can’t remember the last time I had an afternoon to simply relax and not have a care in the world. Even though I (predictably) was the one who burned and my friend (also predictably) was the one who darkened his tan, it quite possibly was my favorite time from my trip. Just laying in those comfortable lounge chairs, closing my eyes and feeling the warmth of the sun’s rays on my skin… absolute bliss.
Now, I’m back home and I have a million and one things to catch up on. I’ve got a mountain of homework to do since I didn’t take my laptop with me (I don’t regret that one bit; it made my trip that much more relaxing). I’ve got to sort out arrangements to book my ticket to China because the clock is very rapidly ticking away for that. Most importantly, my mom is undergoing surgery tomorrow and the whole family is getting increasingly anxious about that.
The one thing that will get me through the chaos of everyday life until I leave for my next trip is the air of contentment and relaxation I’m still managing to maintain from my vacation. I’m not sure how long it’ll last (I’m amazed it’s lasted more than 24 hours after my return home) but I’m going to enjoy it while I can!
Yesterday I had a small blast from the past in the form of hearing several stories about a boy I used to be really good friends with. It’s a consequence of being back in the place you graduated from high school in; you hear these kinds of stories whether you like it or not. It’s especially common when your high school is as small as mine and everyone knows everything about everyone. Anyway, news about him got me thinking about all the good days back when we were good friends, even best friends, and what things were like before life got in the way and we just naturally grew apart.
As I was lying in bed last night, thinking about all of this, I started reminiscing about all the friends I’ve gained and lost over the years, those that I’ve gotten closer to and those that I’ve drifted apart from. The friends who I know I couldn’t live without; the friends who I no longer see but will never forget; the “friends” who I question why they got the title of “friend” in the first place. The friendships that were damaged, battered and ended because of a boy; the sexual tensions between myself and various guy friends; the friendships that never took off because there was too much romantic history to be able to put it all in the past and move forward.
Friendship is a funny thing. It has a fluctuation/turnover/retention rate like nothing else in life. And while there are many days where my friends drive me up the wall, I know I could never live without them. I also know that it’s my friendships with the people in my life, both past and present, that shape who I am today. So, while it was sad to hear about the news in my high school friend’s life from someone other than him, it was good to hear that he is doing well all the same.
(Then I began to wonder if people felt the same way about me as a friend and if those I’ve fallen out of touch with remember me. Thankfully, I fell asleep before I got too insecure/neurotic/paranoid about any of this. That’s a danger of thinking about all of this late at night on your own when you’re walking the line between staying awake and falling asleep!)
In other, far less philosophical news: many thanks to Aleida, Karin, Melody and Tess for awarding me with the Sunshine Award; I wrote a guest entry on Krissy’s blog about the wonder and beauty of Kurt Halsey’s artwork; an article about my scholarship win is on the front page of my university’s website; I have made absolutely no progress on building my professional digital identity; and I am breathless with anticipation for tonight’s Hawks vs Flyers hockey game (Game 4 in the series, 2-1 Hawks).
