breakthesky.net » Relationships

Today Was a Fairytale

Manda — Sat, 30 Jul 2011 03:59:49 +0000

Yesterday¹ was one of those days when all the stars aligned and everything fell into place effortlessly.

I had bubble milk tea with taro, one of my favorite drinks. I had a delicious home-cooked Chinese lunch. I saw Chinglish, an absolutely fantastic play. I went to KTV and, for an evening, could pretend that I was back in my beloved China. And I finally heard something I’ve been waiting to hear for far, far too long.

Oh, and I made these coconut-grapefruit cupcakes with matcha (green tea) frosting:

Yes, the title of this entry is ripped off the Taylor Swift song, but “Yesterday Was a Fairytale” doesn’t quite have the same ring. Ah, well.

Please Tell Me This Isn’t True

Manda — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 05:39:48 +0000

If two past lovers can remain friends, it’s either they were never in love, or they still are.

I found this quote today while surfing the Internet and it was like it stabbed me in the heart. I’m going through a bit of turmoil in terms of my relationship/love life (as if it weren’t obvious), and to come across this quote right now, in the middle of all this upheaval, is… not the most reassuring. I’m not going to get into my situation or anything, but I need to know: is this true? Because I so desperately want it to be false, that it is possible to remain friends after everything, but… I’m not experienced enough with this in my own life to know whether it’s truly possible to remain friends with a past lover.

My One Mistake Was That I Never Let You Down

Manda — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 15:56:31 +0000

What the hell is wrong with me? Why can’t I be more assertive? Why can’t I stand up for myself? Why can’t I demand what I deserve? Why am I do I just sit there and take it when I know I should speak up?

It’s not like I’m not a strong-willed and stubborn person. But why is it that in this case, I just can’t seem to demonstrate that I actually do have a backbone?

It’s getting to the point where I think I’ve actually lost all respect for myself.

Breakeven

Manda — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 12:22:37 +0000

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
‘Cause [he's] moved on while I’m still grieving
And when a heart breaks, no it don’t breakeven, even, no
- Breakeven, The Script

I can say with confidence that the best part of me is not him, despite the fact that he is a huge part of my life, but that doesn’t make the situation any less painful. Or complicated.

It should be fairly straightforward – boy breaks girl’s heart, girl moves on. But life is never that neat and tidy. Or simple.

Tom: Did you ever even have a boyfriend?
Summer: Of course.
Tom: What happened, why didn’t they work out?
Summer: What always happens? Life.
- (500) Days of Summer

It’s one of those things where you know you deserve better but you’re afraid you won’t find better. So you settle, and you hate yourself and the boy for it, but you can’t bring yourself to do anything else.

This is what defines “pathetic.”

Valentine’s Day: 2011 Edition

Manda — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 09:43:26 +0000

Sometimes, we just have to be happy with what people can offer us. Even if it’s not what we want, at least it’s something.
- Sarah Dessen

I’ll forget the past and I won’t worry about the future. I’ve decided to just live the moment with you.
- Unknown

Even if we never talk again, please remember that I’m forever changed by who you are and what you meant to me.
- Unknown

Happy Valentine’s Day.

The Definition of “Hooking Up”

Manda — Sun, 13 Feb 2011 02:39:00 +0000

This is something I’ve always wondered – how do people define the term “hooking up”?

I looked it up on Urban Dictionary to see if there was a general consensus about what the term defines, and this was the first definition I found:

Hooking up: An incredibly ambiguous phrase that drives me absolutely insane when people use it.
Example: John hooked up with Mary. (So what did they actually do? Did they meet at the park? Did they talk? Or did they duke like viagra-injected rabbits? Who knows…)

In junior high, “hooking up” essentially just meant making out. But as I got older and my friends and I got more experienced with all the possibilities of the definition of “hooking up,” we never adapted a new term. Let it be making out, messing around, or sex – no matter what it is, it’s always described as “hooking up.”

Sometimes, though, my friends and I clarify what exactly happened while hooking up. Take a conversation I had last night, for example:

Friend: I can’t go to that club tonight. So-and-so will be there and I don’t want to see him.
Me: Oh? Did you hook up with him or something?
Friend: Yeah. But we only made out. Nothing more.

In that case, what hooking up meant was crystal clear. But more often than not, I’ve found myself using “hooking up” as a blanket term for my experiences. I think it’s the safest term to use when you have to ‘fess up about something but don’t want to be in a position of kissing and telling. The ambiguity is a godsend, sometimes; if a group of girlfriends are insistent on finding out what happened, saying that you “hooked up” is enough for them to know something happened. The rest can be left to the imagination.

Question of the Week: How do you define “hooking up”? Has the definition of the term changed over time for you? Do you say you hooked up with someone, or do you use more specific terms?

Some Guys Really Are Clueless

Manda — Sun, 06 Feb 2011 12:06:04 +0000

Last night, one of my roommates and I went out to a local club. The pickings were slim; most of the male crowd fell into one of the following categories:

Old Asian men who should have left the club forty years ago
White men who were looking to pick up Chinese girls
Men (of all races) who just stood there on fringes of the dance floor, too terrified to do anything but chain smoke cigarettes

Still, we thought not all was lost. At the very least we could try talking to some of the Chinese men by the bar in an effort to practice our Chinese, and perhaps score a free drink or two, right?

Wrong. The first guy we approached on the dance floor had no interest in dancing with us at all. We moved on pretty quickly from him, but further observations led us to discover that the guy didn’t want to dance with anyone at all. No, he was perfectly content bopping along to the music on his own, which is more than unusual in a club setting.

The next guy we approached turned out to be a dud as well. It soon became clear that this guy had no idea what he was doing in a club scene. He didn’t offer to buy us drinks. (Which is his right, of course, but unusual, particularly in the Chinese club scene.) In fact, he asked us why we had no drinks, but in such a way that it was a genuine question – no underlying meaning was applied to the question. He was not a good conversationalist, and he seemed to not understand anything we said as we had to repeat sentences several times for him to comprehend what we were saying.

It got to the point where we were clearly getting nowhere with this guy, as our time talking to him was more painful than anything else. Not to mention that we couldn’t enjoy our night out as two single girls if he followed us like a shadow. When we told him we (making it clear that “we” was my roommate and I, he was not included) were going to go to the upstairs bar, he followed. We then told him we were going to go to the club next door, once again that was met with an enthusiastic, “Let’s go, then!”

It took all of our evasion tactics to lose the guy. Our attempts to evade him culminated in us hiding in the bathroom for half an hour with him patiently waiting for us outside. In the end, we made a beeline for the dance floor from the bathroom and managed to lose him for a bit. But then he found us again, at which point we decided to call it a night and head home. This guy was persistent, and as our entire night thus far had consisted of trying to lose him and failing miserably, we were not going to have a good night.

I still can’t believe he didn’t pick up on any of our hints and signals. Some of them were subtle, many were obvious, but they all had the same glaringly obvious message: you are boring and we are not interested, so please leave us alone.

My Heart Is In Pain But I’m Smiling For You

Manda — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 08:02:29 +0000

Some people can matter little to others, to the point where it doesn’t matter what gets risked because it’s not like they’ll be cut up over things ending badly if they never cared deeply in the first place.

Some people can matter so much to others, to the point where everything is played safe because the thought of risking something with someone so important and it ending badly is more than they can bear.

I’m not sure which is better.

Get Me With Those Green Eyes, Baby

Manda — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 04:46:35 +0000

I’m on my guard for the rest of the world
But with you, I know it’s no good
And I could wait patiently
But I really wish you would

Drop everything now, meet me in the pouring rain
Kiss me on the sidewalk, take away the pain
‘Cause I see sparks fly
Whenever you smile

Get me with those green eyes, baby
As the lights go down
Give me something that’ll haunt me
When you’re not around

‘Cause I see sparks fly
Whenever you smile
- Sparks Fly, Taylor Swift

How is it that practically every Taylor Swift song on her album “Speak Now” can apply to my life in some aspect? And how is it that I suspect every other girl my age can make the same statement?

Whether this is because her songs have universal themes or I lead a very unoriginal life has yet to be determined.

Turn Around, Bright Eyes

Manda — Sat, 20 Nov 2010 12:40:02 +0000

Remember when I said my life was like Glee?

Well, my life is still like Glee except now, it’s not in a good way. Right now, it’s like Glee in the there’s nothing I can do; total eclipse of the heart way. Which, if you know anything about Glee, means things kind of suck right now. And there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it… at least not while I’m abroad. Or while I have any self-respect. Because really, a component of being abroad is going out and having fun without any strings attached but is that still a relevant factor when it hurts so much?