Posts Tagged ‘opinions’

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Dinner With the Family

September 3rd, 2011 by Manda | 9 Comments | Filed in Family, Food, Question of the Week

I grew up in a house where every member of my family would gather around the dinner table every night for a hot meal and eat together. My mother would suffer no excuses when it came to eating dinner as a family; it was a constant in her household. The only exceptions I can recall is that if one of us were not at home during dinnertime (frowned upon) or if one of us were sick (excusable).

I think a lot of her insistence on eating dinner together as a family is because it was a part of the day where everyone would gather ’round and eat, talk, and bond. It was her time to catch up with her children and for my brother and I to argue about something stupid. As my mom always cooked dinner, eating dinner together also had something to do with politeness and manners. She cooked the meal; it would have been the height of rudeness if one of us had taken a plate of home-cooked food and eaten it on our lonesome in our bedroom or something.

Now that I’m on my own and have a packed schedule, I find that I’m often eating dinner on my own, and usually on the go. I’ll grab a burrito at Chipotle and eat it once I get home from my internship. I’ll eat a bagel sandwich from Einstein’s Bagels during my afternoon shift at work. I’ll eat a bowl of Special K in the morning before I take off for the day. I’ll cook dinner for myself and eat it in front of the TV, saving leftovers for the next day. My schedule often allows me to get dinners with friends, but we almost always go out to eat.

I love the food and conversation I have with my friends when we go out to eat, but I miss the dinners at my house. I can’t imagine what it’s like to grow up in a house where family dinners didn’t exist. It’s not even the home-cooked factor (although I miss that dearly!), it’s the fact that I can’t understand how families don’t, or can’t, or won’t, come together for dinner. It makes me sad, because I have some great memories of dinners at my house when I was growing up!

Question of the Week: Does your family have family dinners where you all eat together? Or is dinner an individual occasion?

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More Things to Remember for the Future

July 10th, 2011 by Manda | 1 Comment | Filed in Life
  • It’s okay to let people in. You don’t always have to hold people at arm’s length.
  • It’s also okay to let people love you.
  • But it’s not okay to continue loving someone who doesn’t love you back.
  • Friends are always there for you. Always. This is an unquestionable fact.
  • Don’t let anyone give you anything less than what you deserve.
  • Never settle. It’s never worth it.
  • If you won’t be fair to yourself, no one else will.
  • Smile. Laugh. Wish. Dream. Love.

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I Will Never Be Favored Because I’m Female

July 9th, 2011 by Manda | 4 Comments | Filed in Family

I’ve noticed something while traveling with my grandfather in mainland China: he always favors sons over daughters.

My mom once told me that my grandfather favored her brothers over herself and her sisters. I know that it is very traditionally Chinese for the males of the family to be favored over the females, but I could never quite understand why, even after all these years, my grandfather still favored my uncles over my mother and my aunts. His sons are the ones that have given my grandfather the most headache and grief out of all of his children; his daughters have done better for themselves in comparison. His daughters also look out for him more than his sons do. Whether that is because of a better sense of filial piety or because they are more capable of doing so, I can’t tell, but the fact remains that his daughters have caused less “trouble” (for lack of better term) than his sons.

This mentality of my grandfather’s has also passed down to how he views and treats grandchildren. The first of his grandchildren to go to university is male, the first who will get married is male, the first that went to study abroad is male, etc. Most of this has to do with the fact that most of my male cousins are older than my female ones, but even so, his granddaughters have done well for themselves but the grandsons are still favored.

The summer between high school and college, I went to Hong Kong to visit family. My grandfather congratulated me on getting accepted to university and I thought I had finally done something that was worthy in comparison of my male cousins, as I was the first granddaughter to go to university. Alas, turns out that wasn’t the case. My brother will start university in the fall, and my grandfather gives him extra care and attention that I never got the summer before I started college.

It’s not just about achievements like going to university, though. It’s about when we are at famous sites like Tiananmen Square or the Great Wall, my grandfather will want a photo with my brother, his grandson. Not with me, or my mother, or my aunt; he wants a photo with just my brother. Or when we are at dinner, and my grandfather will offer the last portion of rice or last piece of chicken only to my brother. If no one wants it, then he’ll take it for himself.

It’s not that my grandfather doesn’t love his daughters and granddaughters. He does, but it’s not in the same way he loves his sons and grandsons. It’s disheartening to know that no matter what I do or what I achieve, I’ll still be seen as inferior by my grandfather because I’m female. Not wholly unworthy, but not as worthy of attention and praise as the males in my family. It doesn’t matter if I get a doctorate or travel to Mars or become the first female president of the United States – I simply won’t ever be able to get the same kind of love that my uncles and male cousins receive.

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